'Always forward, never backward' is what the link is saying in Latindouble down and don't retreat. I have come upon yet another threshold this week. A common motto is semper prorsum, 'always forward.' You can find examples of this all over Google, and is used as a way of expressing the necessity of marching forward. He keeps telling me that where I’m going, everything will be provided for. This EWTN original docu-drama, filmed on location in Spain, Mexico, and California, presents the life and heroic missionary activity of St. God, it seems, doesn’t believe in security blankets and safety nets. Sooner or later I will come upon a threshold that is just big enough for me to go in with nothing else. So yes, this journey that I’m on will cost me everything. He laughs every time I do a double-take when I see something else about him or me that I had not expected. I see my soul a little more clearly and I see God a little more truly.
When I cross a new threshold, it is as if another veil is lifted. Every time I stand before a threshold, I am forced to make a choice – do I lighten my load and continue, or do I turn back? Every threshold becomes a sacred place of re-commitment where I leave another part of my old self behind and say with deeper love to the Lord, “I will follow you.” But each threshold also beckons with the promise of even greater beauty beyond it. Each threshold is more daunting than the last for it is narrower, and requires me to discard something else I carry before I can pass through. In this interior journey, I keep coming upon new thresholds. I am always rewarded with a deeper intimacy with myself and with God. So I choose, often after a fierce struggle, to stay and enter whatever it is I am feeling. These days, the old ways that medicated me from feeling only serve to increase my dissatisfaction and unhappiness. The days of escaping into mindless boredom and the noise of the world are past. To be so present to myself can be frightening and tiring. Daylight Saving Time (DST) is the practice of moving the clocks forward one hour from Standard Time during the summer months and changing them back again in. Every little leap of joy and excitement, every clench of disgust or fear. I have become almost alarmingly sensitive to the movements of my heart. I find myself spending less time socialising with people I know but becoming more present to the strangers I pass every day, and to those whom God draws me to connect with at his appointed time. Yet as solitude increases, there is a deeper communion with all of humanity. The path grows increasingly and startling alone the deeper I walk, for this is a journey that everyone must make alone with God. It feels far beyond my ability, yet the path always appears when I take another step. I both fear and long to be completely committed to it.
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